Eternal flowers question stars
by StardustToRememberYouBy
Summary: 'It's as if your ears were tuning out everything that wasn't him. You stop walking, closing your eyes and hoping with every ounce of your being that he doesn't come near you, doesn't touch you. "...I'm glad you're here."' Kirk/OFC, Spock/Elyse. Set during the four years of Kirk's time at the Academy. Rating for language and mature content in later chapters.
1. Her I

**A/N:** So, in conjunction with continuing my Spock/Elyse story (I would NEVER give up on them!), I will be writing another story with similar moving parts. This time, however, it will involve Kirk and an original female character. If you're struggling to picture her by my descriptions, it will help to know that the woman I have in mind for her is Ksenia Solo with dark hair and bangs - not the straight-across ones that she had in _Lost Girl_. I picture them longer and side-swept. I hope that helps, and I sincerely hope that you all will love her as much as I do, since I've had her in mind for several years. Enjoy, and, as always, reviews are most welcome! :)

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The Starfleet Academy campus bustles with students as you exit the taxi cab and pay your fare with a kind farewell to the driver. Your eyes swim in the sundrenched view before you, flurries of red uniforms, indicative of cadet-status, swirling around you in hasty maneuvers towards the next class or to the dormitories.

A kind of familiar warmth envelops you as you make your way to the main building. You straighten your plain black tunic, suddenly self-conscious of the way you look in the wake of tidy appearances of those who would soon become colleagues. You are thankful that the San Francisco Bay has kept the wind away for the day, that way your long, straight raven locks can remain kept-together and neat for your interview.

Your small stature is rather dwindled in comparison with some of the men passing you by, but you don't mind that. You've always been on the short side of humanity, but you've never been troubled by it. As your father would say, "Fact is fact." Too right he was.

You enter the large building in the center of the campus, a sure-fire sign that this was the administration and board offices. Callum had told you that in one of his many letters, as well as the size of the main forum hall. Of course, he had probably just been excited about his learning experiences and needed to gush about it all, but you like to think that he had been preparing you for the day when you, too, would become a Starfleet cadet.

That was years ago, and now, here you are, entering the administration offices with as proud of a stance as you can muster. The administration offices are just beyond a clump of cadets standing in a semi-circle and planning the next outing to a local bar. Your subconscious eye-roll turns quite physical, and you perform the understandably frustrated gesture without thinking twice.

"Somethin' to say, townie?" one of the males in the cluster says, and his voice catches you off-guard. You know that voice...somehow, you _knew_ the face it had spilled from even before you stop in your tracks just outside the administration doors and your eyes find his face. Your already wide blues were undoubtedly even wider as you glanced up and over at the voice who had spoken. Your intuition had been exactly correct. It was _him._

Your gaze halts and your expression remains blank as you watch his proud grin turn into a look of amazement at the sight of you. How you had managed to find him all the way out here, so many thousands of miles from Iowa, was beyond you, but you dared not to question the cruel trick which Fate has decidedly sprung upon you at this moment. His icy stare is knowing and sad at the memories shared between the two of you, but you did not flinch, daring not to give him a leg up where you knew he didn't deserve one.

"Not at all, asshole," you retort once you gain your composure back and begin to enter the main desk near the central offices. You can hear his cronies muttering sets of 'oh, burn' and 'she got you' and 'who _is_ that,' and you can feel his eyes. The heat of his stare is drilling holes into the back of your skull, but you swallow your saliva as the receptionist gives you a smile.

"Hello," he greets warmly, and you note the single, skinny, silver stripe adorning the bells of his uniform sleeves. "Name?"

"Reiko Slannen here to meet with Lieutenant Commander Walter," you recite as professionally as you could. "I have a three o'clock appointment, Lieutenant Junior Grade Pearson."

He scans the board in front of him, pressing the screen a few times. "Very good, prospective cadet. Have a seat. LC Walter will be with you shortly."

You do as instructed, careful to take a seat with your back to the main entrance. You know that _his_ eyes are still on you, and when you turn your head to check for certain, your assumptions are correct. His friends have all gone, but he is still standing there with the same awestruck expression as before. You hope he can feel your indifference. You hope he can feel how different you are, how much more grown-up you are than you were. You hope that he can sense that the tables have turned and that you are not the same doe-eyed youngster who had once fallen for his icy eyes and bad-boy reputation.

You clear your throat, and that's when one of the offices' doors whiz open, much like the lift doors you can recall from the _U.S.S. Treva_ your father once served on.

A woman emerges with a paper file in her hands. She is dressed in all black, the top she wears bearing the Starfleet Delta upon it and you can see the symbol in the middle with the Engineering emblem embedded within it, so you know that her main focus was in the Engineering block. She has long, bushy curls of ginger, and her eyes are a wide and bright shade of brown. She has attempted to keep her hair kempt by plaiting it into a braid, but her curls are rebelling and you find it endearing. Perhaps the appearance reflects the woman within.

"Slannen?" she says, raising her eyes from the file and you rise from your chair, snapping immediately to attention, a fact she notices. "Come." She retreats back into her office, and you follow behind her. She presses a button on her desk as she takes a seat and the door whizzes shut behind you. "Have a seat."

You do as instructed, placing your bag beside your feet. Your hands instinctively fold into your lap, and that's when your worries fly away. You had been dreading this day for some time, running over the terrible anxiety you knew you would be feeling, but you were no longer feeling that way. Instead, you felt welcome. You felt like you had come home.

"Alright," LC Walter says on an exhale, eyeing your file with some intense form of scrutiny, "Reiko Flaversham Slannen."

"Yes, ma'am," you respond.

"Is that truly your middle name?"

You nod. "Yes, ma'am. Flaversham is an ancient family name and this is how we keep it alive."

She appears impressed, but she is also a professional, so she continues reading. "'Slannen.'" She looks up from your file and makes eye contact. "Are you Callum Slannen's sister?"

Your heart pangs at the mention of his name and you nod. "I am his younger sister, ma'am, yes."

LC Walter's face falls and she straightens her spine in her chair. "I was very sorry when he passed," she laments, and you can tell that she truly means that. "He was one of my favorite students, and certainly among Starfleet's finest."

You feel your chin quiver slightly, but you blink back such darkness. "Thank you, ma'am."

"Making a connection between yourself and Lieutenant Callum Slannen has me wondering whether his involvement in Starfleet has inspired your enlistment or not." She pauses, once again giving you her full attention. "Explain how you made such a definitive decision."

You shift the muscles in your legs for comfortability's sake before you begin speaking. "My brother was the most wonderful person I have ever known. He consistently wrote to me while he was a cadet here, and he spoke of your teaching often, ma'am, if I do say so. He loved Starfleet more than anything and often claimed that it was the best decision he had ever made. He was certainly the largest deciding factor for me, ma'am."

The set of brown orbs across the room narrow in orientation as she continues to gaze at you. "I am sensing that he is not the _only_ deciding factor for you. Your father was also a Starfleet Officer, was he not?" You merely nod, not allowing your expression to falter as she mentions your father. "If you were forced against your will to enlist, we would have to take that into consideration - "

"Ma'am," you interject, "if I may..." She gestures for you to continue. "My father did not force his hand in anything. If I could speak frankly, I want to better myself and I believe I have much to offer Starfleet."

She is impressed with your fortitude and honesty. To be fair, you also did not wish to continue speaking of your father. You wanted to forget him.

"I believe you _do_ , Reiko," she compliments, "and I am not just using Callum as a reference point. You seem put-together and exceedingly intelligent." She gives you a smile and glances over your file. "Now, there is a matter of selecting a major. Have you given any of that a thought?"

You have been ready to give this question a resolute answer for some time now, and you give her a gentle nod. "I have selected the School of Arts and Sciences as my main school."

She presses a few buttons on a screen embedded in her desk, dragging a few things around. "What have you chosen for a focus, _if_ you have selected one?"

"I have, ma'am. I wish to double major."

Her brown eyes are surprised as she glances upward from the screen. "Truly?" she questions, and you do not move. "I was not expecting that, I will admit, though I admire your initiative. I, too, double-majored as a cadet."

"I can see that Engineering was your main focus," you point out, and she appears to be impressed at your observant nature.

"Indeed." Her expression turns to one of a pensive tone before she glances back up at you and clears her throat. "Now, which majors are you selecting?"

"I wish for my first major to be Xenobiology, and for my second to be in the Command School's Department of Intelligence."

LC Walter smiles. "So, you wish to be a scientist by-day and an espionage artist by-night?"

You chuckle at her joke. "Yes, ma'am, something along those lines."

She swipes a few more times onto her desk screen, and then looks over your file once more. "It is quite helpful that you have already taken a few courses in the Tactical sector, so you are exempt from those required by the Command School. However, I will be willing to go over these courses with you in a few short meetings so that we can justify your credit exemption." She continues swiping and pressing things with her fingers, and the grip between your locked hands tightens. "Have you chosen a language to focus on?"

"Yes, ma'am. Andorian. I would like to take some elective courses on other languages, if that is possible."

"Of course! Let me adjust that..." her teeth sink into her lower lip as the screen flashes a few more options for her to evaluate. "Which other languages were you thinking? You may pick one more major species' language, and one minor species' language."

"I would like to study Vulcan and Deltan."

"We have an opening for another language course in Elementary Klingon for your second semester. Is that permissible?"

"Of course, ma'am. I want to learn as much as I can in linguistics."

"If all goes according to plan, you will have a double major and also have a minor under your belt by the time you graduate."

"Wonderful." You begin to feel relief until you remember your encounter from earlier. _Is he still out there? Is he waiting for me to be finished?_

"Alright," LC Walter's voice says, snapping you back to reality. "So, your first major is in the Arts and Sciences School, focusing in Xenobiology. Your second major is to be in the Command School with emphasis in Intelligence, and then you will minor in Language. Does that sound correct?"

"Yes, ma'am," you say, smiling at how wonderfully relieved you are that your status is official.

"Excellent. You will begin classes two weeks from this coming Monday morning. Prep-squad begins on Monday bright and early. I have sent your schedule to your dormitories by import. You can then download what you need from it to your tablet, an item necessary for coursework and correspondence with other cadets, as well as your instructors, of which I am one. Your tablet is already waiting for you in your dormitory." You understand that she is reciting off the information you need right away, so you listen intently and respectfully. "Your roommate is a female Ocampa named Tallis, and she has already moved into your room. You are living in a co-ed dormitory, unless that is unwanted. I can push to get you transferred to a female-only dormitory."

"That will not be necessary, ma'am. Co-ed is just fine with me."

LC Walter smiles at you. "Once you and your roommate become acquainted, you both can proceed to the - "

"Lieutenant Commander, if I may," you interject once more, and she is surprised to hear you speak up in such a manner, but she gestures for you to continue. "Why am I allowed to select my focuses and course schedule now, when prep-squad has not even started yet?"

She nods as if she was waiting for that question to arrive. "You are not exactly a cookie-cutter cadet, to borrow the ancient phrase," she begins. "With your family record of enlisting each member in Starfleet, it stands to reason that you are, as another ancient phrase is delighted to point out, 'ahead of the curve.' Unlike many other cadets present on this campus, you have been saturated in intergalactic protocol and subspace technologies since infancy, whether by your wish or not. You have been born into and raised by people who were also ahead of the curve, particularly your brother. You are intelligent and well-grounded in basic Starfleet knowledge, which exempts you from many courses considered to be a part of the core curriculum, per the results of your exemption-exams. Once prep-squad is complete, you will immediately begin classes. It is far easier for me to assign your courses now than for you to wait and select them later. Kinks found now may be ironed out prior to conflicts arising later. Does this make sense to you?"

You respond with a simple nod. "Affirmative...and I thank you for being so caring about my needs, ma'am."

She smiles a kind of sympathetic way, and you are glad to accept such a look. "You remind me of a wide-eyed, bushy-haired cadet who was once in your position. I keep her within myself as a reminder of how far I have come. Now, I sit on the other side of the desk." She laughs, and you share in her humor. "It is time for you to meet your roommate and settle in to your room." She rises from her chair, and you follow suit, standing at-attention to salute her.

"Lieutenant Commander," you state, snapping your arm to salute her properly.

"Cadet Slannen, welcome aboard," LC Walter returns with her own salute. She presses a button on her desk, and the doors whiz open once more. "Speak with Pearson at the front desk. He will give you the location and number of your room."

"Thank you again, ma'am," you say, exiting the room with the strap of your bag over your shoulder. Pearson flashes a smile and hands you a small laser pointer with your room number and location shown at the press of a button.

As you begin to leave the administration office, you almost walk directly into a cadet blocking your way. You had forgotten about _him_. Him and _those eyes_.

Your eyes find his and he just continues to visually scan you. You want so desperately to shove him away and to verbally let him have about grievances from times past, but you don't. Instead, you sigh and blink a few times until the wall that you have spent years fortifying is ready to take him on.

"Pardon me," you say, side-stepping out of his direct grasp. "I have to go and meet my roommate now." You start to walk away and you are certain that he is following you. Stopping and turning back, you are correct. He is there. "Do you have something to say to me, James?"

He visibly winces when you say his name. "I just...I can't...I believe you're actually here."

You shrug. " _You_ are here, too. Notice how I'm not saying anything about you being here? It's because I'm not here for you. I'm here for _me_ , and I have to go." You turn on your heels, proud of yourself.

"Reiko," he breathes, and you can hear his voice through the nosie of passersby and the bustling of bodies. It's as if your ears were tuning out everything that wasn't him. You stop walking, closing your eyes and hoping with every ounce of your being that he doesn't come near you, doesn't touch you. "...I'm glad you're here."

You don't turn back to look at him. You blink away the tears threatening to fall and straighten yourself, continuing on your way.

You don't know if he followed you, and you don't care. Right now, you're off to meet Tallis, your Ocampan roommate who will, hopefully, provide some much-needed comfort in the wake of old shadows being stirred.

 _James Tiberius Kirk. Who the fuck do you think you are?_


	2. Him I

You can't believe that you are already done with your first two semesters. Starfleet Academy has been the best thing to have ever happened to you in your purposefully miserable life, but things are, for the most part, looking up.

You are satisfied with the completion of core curriculum classes. Not that you were, by any means, highest on the roster of your fellow classmates, but you were truly proud that this work was coming so easily to you where education in your past had failed you terribly.

Bones is great support, always there to talk you straight, and, shit, you _need_ that on an almost incessant basis. Girls are always in your bed or are dragging you into theirs, and you don't object to that in the slightest. You are craving companionship more now than you have in the entirety of your life, but this is more on a physical basis. Still, you feel empty inside, some part of your soul buried so deeply and disguised as debauchery and promiscuity.

You have gained a reputation for this, but you don't care. Not truly. Only one set of icy blue eyes attached to a petite but formidable figure has your head reeling and your emotions aching, but she is unattainable. At least, that's what you've convinced yourself.

You see her every day in classes, sitting towards the back of lecture halls so that you can stare at the back of her head relentlessly. All that you are feels drawn to her, but you can't reach her. You know that you are the Reacher, and that she would be the Settler, but you don't want her to settle. You wish to be everything she wants, everything she _needs_. _Everything_.

Each day is a struggle, and you never feel more vulnerable than when she is around. Such deep-seated emotions scare the shit out of you, but you remain as stone-faced as possible to avoid the overencumbering questions hanging over your head like the ominous threat of an oncoming storm.

Bones is aware of the threat looming around you, and he does his very best to support you and be there for you, but you know that he doesn't truly understand the weight of your feelings or of words unsaid. He means well, but right now, you just need _her_.

You sigh, leaning your elbows against your knees as you take a deep breath. The California sun beats down on the back of your neck, keeping you warm through the chills sweeping your figure. You know that she is about to walk through this area of campus in between classes, and the feeling that you need to talk to her more than anything is keeping you awake at night and is the reason for your on-edge nerves and heightened sense of awareness. Words have been swimming around in your head for months now, and given that you are nearly mid-way through your final semester of your first year, this has to end, and it has to end _now_.

The pain you've been feeling. The crippling loneliness. Filling the emptiness within you with another girl - to be precise, _many_ girls. Skipping around the problem. Burying your true emotions and the need to speak your mind. Glossing over the part where her eyes shoot daggers right through your good intentions - you know she is hurting, too, but she has to know of the reasons for your pain and the existence of it. All of that must go away, and the way to do that was with conversation...a particularly painful one, but one that is necessary to grow and move on.

Your foot begins tapping against the grey-ish white pavement beneath your uniform-issued boots and your fists clench your trousers with a white-knuckled grip. Soon, you will begin chewing on the inside of your lip, and then it will be time to begin chewing on your nails. You stop, however, certain that she will arrive just in time to spare you from inflicting such inane forms of self-mutilation. And that, of course, is when she is there.

Sweeping, raven-colored locks have been left down but are softly tucked at the sides behind her ears. She descends the stairs, and the creases of her kneecaps and the strips of wrinkles beside the corners of her mouth and on the outer corners of her eyes leave you weak-hearted. Her petite form is slenderly gloved within her actual uniform, not the unisex cranberry-colored set of jackets and trousers meant to disguise the bodies of women and men into one, well, _uniformed_ look. Instead, this uniform is the one she will be wearing post-graduation, and she absolutely makes your heart skip a beat or twelve.

She is the most breathtaking sight you have ever seen and it does your heart good to see such unencumbered beauty. You long to spend days with her and fill the time by listing off all of the millions of ways in which she makes your soul soar and your heart weep. Instead, you will settle for this moment, right now, in which you _must_ speak with her.

Your fists unclench from your trousers and you rise from the bench, clearing your throat as the sight of your mind's muse glides ever-nearer to your position. You can feel her aura sending shockwaves down your spine as you take a few steps closer to her, closing the gap between the pair of you with a certain kind of uncertainty.

Her eyes - those wide, icy glaciers - flash up at you and her expression loses all of its luster. She appears saddened by your presence and she stops walking, her gaze never wavering from yours.

"Reiko," you manage, wetting your lips, "I need to speak with you."

She sighs, but she doesn't break eye contact. "Can this wait?" she questions, knowing that you have been hounding her for months now to share more than a few short sentences of miscommunication.

"No," you say with a shake of your head, "not anymore."

Reiko breaks eye contact with you to glance beside herself at where her roommate Tallis stands waiting. "Tallis, go on ahead," she instructs gently.

"Are you certain?" Tallis asks, eyeing you with suspicion.

"Yes." Tallis gives Reiko a head-nod before departing.

The pair of you are left alone, and she readjusts the strap of her messenger bag where the strap is too tight on her shoulder.

"What is it?" she asks, and you can hear the impatience behind her voice. "I don't have much time."

You grin, ready to tease her, and hopefully catch her off-guard as a result. "Well, I'm sure your coursework isn't going anywhere...and neither is your roommate, if I could wager a guess."

She exhales, a soft smile upturning the corners of her mouth slightly. "No, it's not that..."

"What? Can't stand being seen on-campus with a brogue?"

Her eyes find yours again. "I actually have a date tonight."

You can feel a million small pinpricks inside of your heart cavity. As if you had once imagined that your pain could not be any more shocking than it had already become since her sudden reappearance last summer, this was worse. The thought of her out with another guy, a guy who _is not_ you, hurts more than words could express. You can't blame her for doing so. Hell, you had basically tried to bury your dick into any vaginal cavity willing to allow entrance, all in the misguided hopes of somehow imagining that such physical ecstasy could vicariously be _her_. How fucking blind you've been.

"Oh," is all you can manage to say, "who with?"

Reiko tilts her head sympathetically as if to tell you that she is recognizing your pain but also conveying a sense of pity. "Jim," she coos over your name and your skin is immediately awash with goosebumps, "I'm not going to tell you who it is."

"Well, then I will just leave you to it." You can't be around her, not while your body is undulating with unfathomable pain, the kind which pierces your very existence.

"I have _some_ time, if you need to talk that badly." Her words are sincere and as soothing as ever, but somehow, you can't be here. You can't even make eye contact with her. "Do you want to - "

"Don't worry about it," you say, completely averting your eyes from hers and backing away slowly before quickly turning on your boot heels and striding away. You feel your entire body beginning to emotionally break down, but you absolutely cannot let her know of your grief.

Maybe some time soon, you will talk to her about it.

 _The fuck are you doing, man?! She was actually willing to listen to you this time?_

Maybe, but I can't. Not like this.

 _Fuck that. She was willing to talk to you finally! You're just gonna fucking give up because she has a date tonight, and it isn't with you?_

Yes.

 _You're a fucking pussy, man. Just man up, grow a pair, and go back to that lovely piece of heaven and tell her how much you fucking love her_.

I can't.

 _What's changed? You were ready to bare your soul and hand it over to her in your own two fucking hands, but now you've just suddenly shut up about all of this? What the fuck is wrong with you?_

That's a question I don't have answers to.

 _I know what's wrong with you. You shut the fuck up at the mention of another dick wanting her, your girl_.

So?

 _So, you just lost the goddamn window. Good job getting her in another agreeable mood like the one you just walked away from, prick_.

You stop walking temporarily, the breaths you take are shallow and hyperventilated, and you feel like an elephant just walked up and fucking sat down on your chest.

 _Shit. What the fuck have I done?_


	3. Her II

**A/N:** I see Nathan Harlow as Jake Lacy, a fact I think helps me and that I'm hoping you will find makes it easier to see this! Please enjoy this chapter. It's been eating away at me for a long time now!

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He is handsome. You know that. His broad hands pull your chair from the table, and you take a seat, carefully smoothing out the underside of your dress beneath your legs. He assists you in scooting your chair inward. You remove your coat and drape it over the back of your chair as he sits down across from you, grinning the entire time.

 _Nathan Harlow is your boyfriend. Your boyfriend is Nathan Harlow. You are on a date tonight with Nathan Harlow, who is your boyfriend._ The more you say it to yourself, the less you begin to believe it, the less you understand why it is Nathan Harlow sitting across from you and not James Kirk. It bothers you that after eight months with Nathan, your heart wants other than the choices you've made. It bothers you that so much has happened since then, and that so much has remained the same. You are practically the only thing in your life that is static, that cannot boast much of a difference now from what you were back then.

The waiter passes out menus to the both of you, but you already pretty much know what you want. It, too, is the same - your diet, that is. Where food is concerned, you've never been adventurous, but you also know that you're not a risk-taker. On that theme, you are _not_ a risk-taker, and Nathan is definitely not a risk.

You can tell yourself that the way in which he orders salads for both of you and how he is unsure of which alcoholic beverage to get you is just that he is trying to be a headstrong and decisive boyfriend. In reality, though, the deepest reaches of your heart are scrambling to reveal that he just doesn't know you like he should. At least, he _should_ know that you're not fond of salads _and_ that your favorite alcoholic beverage is brut spumante champagne since you've been together for eight months now. He _should_ know that. He should _know_ that...right?

"...sweetie?" Nathan's voice speaks out, snapping your attention immediately back to him.

Your eyes flash up to meet his rather confused expression. "Sorry," you sputter, "lost my train of thought."

"Shit, you're stressed." His voice carries a bit of a chuckle behind it. He's not taunting you - you know that - but you also know that you never, ever tell him of the stress you're under. _Come to think of it, when is the last time that we_ did _talk about the real, gritty stuff like school, life, and the stresses they cause?_

You can't recall the answer, and that bothers you. "I'm focused now," you say, though you know you don't really mean it. Your mind is still swimming in circles around Jim. "What were you saying?"

"I was just saying how the scallops sound like they're delicious. I was saying maybe I get a plate to split with you."

 _I'm allergic to shellfish, imbecile_. You quiet the anger welling up in defense of your Jim-thoughts because that side of you knows that an allergy as severe as that one would be one that he would know. Jim would know that. _Jim_. The same Jim who is _not_ your boyfriend.

"Actually, I was just thinking of getting their french onion soup," you admit, changing the tone of your voice to reflect a resolute thought, not something you had just concocted in place of yelling at him that he should know you can't have shellfish unless you have a sincere deathwish.

"Alright," he says, and his indifference forces you to grind your teeth together out of an almost kind of impatient frustration.

You fold your menu and place it off to the side, and that's when your waiter returns to the table. The waiter is some form of mechanical device, but its body reflects a personage of warmth and you suddenly wish...you wish...

Dammit. What you wish is that Jim was there with you. Jim. Not your boyfriend.

"Excuse me, miss," the waiter speaks, the dialogue low in volume and serious in tone, "you have a visitor out in the hall who wishes to speak with you."

Your eyes glance upward toward the warm, robotic figure. "Now?"

"Yes, miss. They say that it is urgent."

You peer across the table at where Nathan's gaze is still glued to the menu in front of him. "Nathan...?"

"Go on ahead, honey."

 _I fucking hate it when he calls me that. It always sounds so condescending_.

"I'll be right back," you comment, rising from your chair and leaving the table. You are careful to straighten your dress out, smoothing out the edges as if to impress whomever is waiting for you nearby.

 _Oh, God...what if it's Tallis? What if something happened, something bad?_

Your heart rate begins to quicken its pace out of the anxious feelings surrounding you and the unknown person waiting for you in the hallway near the lobby. You breath slowly in and out, out and in, and you continue your pace, remaining as calm as possible. Then, you see the figure waiting and your heart stops skipping beats and instead leaps forward inside of its cavity as if to burst forth from your chest and conjoin itself to the figure you can now see so clearly. It is Jim, and you feel like you had willed him to be there at that moment.

Your eyes find his - or did _his_ find _yours_? - and you give him a small smile. His hands are in his pockets, and his hair appears more unkempt than you were expecting, like his own anxieties had caused him to tousle his hair more than he probably should have, just as your knuckles were still trying to regain proper bloodflow from your own wringing.

"Jim," you say, keeping your arms locked down at your sides.

His spine stretches him to his full height, no longer making him appear hunched over and unbearably guilt-ridden. His eyes are wide, and his face full of shock as his lips part to inhale a breath it seems he wasn't sure would ever come.

"That is _not_ the greeting I was expecting," he admits, shaking his head slightly. "I was expecting that you would attack me, and yell at me for even daring to come here." He paused, his eyes scanning you, and suddenly, you are nervous again. Nervous that he is scrutinizing you. Nervous that he doesn't like what he sees. Nervous that he'll leave again and leave you speechless and wanting. "You don't look shocked at all that I'm here, not even in the _slightest_."

His words, while closed and finished, are also open-ended, begging you to answer the question he was afraid to ask. Good thing you know him. Good thing you fucking _love_ him.

"If we're being honest," you begin, and he signals your continuation with a nod, "then I'm _not_ surprised to see you. I..." You leave your sentence unfinished and his expression begs you to finish. You leave it as it is. "What is it? What is urgent?"

" _This_ ," he says, stepping closer to you and speaking in a voice that only you can hear, " _this_ is urgent. _Us_."

"Jim," you begin, your gaze rising to meet his with the most tender of looks, "there _isn't_ an - "

"I know, and it's _killing_ me." You can tell that he is sincere, but you don't know what to say to that. "I have to talk to you about what happened all those years ago. We have to talk about it, or it'll be the death of me." He pauses and steps even closer to you, so close that you can feel his breath, the heat of which sends shockwaves across the skin it grieves. "I'm _fighting_ for you, Reiko."

"I know..." You know that he is right, and you sigh, noting that Nathan has risen from the table and is starting towards the pair of you. "We can talk about it, but not right now." Jim appears confused, but you continue. "I know. I just...Nathan's coming over here right now, and I'm not going to tell him why you're here or who you really are to me."

Jim's eyes widen and his ears flatten against his skull, a bright shade of red appearing at the base of his neck. You recognize that spot as being where he actually blushes, but you can't let on that you notice that, mostly because you find yourself longing to press your lips to that spot and watch him _really_ blush. "...who am I _really_ to you?"

You ignore that question, knowing that eventually you will tell him, but not here. Not when your boyfriend is coming up behind you and sliding his arm around your waist. "Hey, honey," he says, and you note that Jim visibly winces at that nickname. Nathan gives you a swift kiss to your temple. "Who is your friend?"

You put on a smile for Nathan's sake, and for your own. "Nathan," you say, laying a hand flat against Nathan's chest and crying within when you see Jim twitch slightly, "this is James Kirk, my partner for a project on Advanced Andorian Warp Systems in our Intermediate Engineering course. Kirk, this is Nathan Harlow, my boyfriend."

"Nice to meet you!" Nathan says in a sprightly way you weren't expecting.

Jim's eyes shift from yours towards a very pleasant Nathan. "Likewise," he says, giving the man who _is_ your boyfriend a courteous smile.

"The waiter-bot said that it was urgent that you speak with Reiko."

You chuckle, and Jim looks to you, awaiting the lie he knows is about to spew from your lips. "Jim is nervous that I won't hold up my end of the project and that I'm not even doing any of the work," you lie, and both you and Jim are impressed with how quickly that falsehood had come to you.

Nathan glances between the pair of you. "Seriously?"

Jim shrugs. "I'm worried because this is such a huge portion of our grade, something neither of us can afford to fail, and she has yet to even show me what it is she's done," he says, and you are equally impressed that he, too, can work with fabrications.

Nathan inhales deeply, and you know he is about to defend you in the most nondescript way possible. "Kirk, I don't want to be _that_ guy, but Reiko is so not the person who would just flake out on a project. If she says she's doing her side of it, she is. Trust her on that."

Jim sighs, and appears empathetic towards what Nathan has just said. "You're right, man. I'm sorry to disrupt your night. It's just...it's something that couldn't wait any longer."

At that last portion, his eyes are on yours, and you give him a look of understanding.

Nathan doesn't notice any of the nonverbal language being communicated between the pair of you, a fact you are more than grateful for. "It's okay. I get it." He looks to you where you are still glued to his side and his thumb hooks in a gesture back towards your table. "The salads are there. That's why I came over here, truthfully."

"Alright," you say, giving him your most convincing fake smile. "I will be there in a few minutes."

"Not _too_ long now," he says, tapping his index finger against the tip of your nose. "Nice to meet you, Kirk!" Nathan turns and walks away. Jim doesn't return the sentiment and is, instead, once more standing close to you, _closer than you're ready for right now_...

"Seems like a nice guy," Jim comments, his volume lowered once again. "You _have_ to tell him who I am and why I was here."

You nod. "I know I do. He deserves to know." You pause, and the silence between you is deafening. "Jim...can I ask you something?" When you feel him nod, you progress. "When you picture this 'us' that you see, do you see a future for us, like a long time down the road?"

Jim smiles and chuckles softly, almost to himself. "Of course I do."

"What do you picture?"

"Do you really want to know?"

"Yeah, I do...just not anything too elaborate. I have a date to get back to."

He smiles, and there is a kind of twinkle in his already resplendent ice-colored blues, and you know he is thinking of you. "Well, I see that we're married." You can feel the heat rising in your cheeks, as well as other places, parts unspeakable. "We live in a big home in Brighton, England. We live by a small private creek. I see that the home is a form of old, red brick, and there is a lot of ivy and vines. It's an ancient home, of course, but we're happy. It's secluded. Lots of trees, pastures where nearby farms allow their sheep to graze. We...well, we have kids."

Your brow rises. "How many kids do we have?"

"I see five, and you're pregnant with a sixth. We had plans to have just a couple of them, but we got really ambitious and, apparently, never wanted to sleep again." The two of you share a laugh and then his face grows serious, and you are not prepared for the weight that expression would put onto your shoulders. "The best part about the future I see is that it's no longer Reiko and Jim. We are _we_. _Us_. We're together, and we're happy, and that's what I want. You're mine, not his."

The possession in his voice, the gravity of what he is saying affects you more than you can showcase to him at that momentand you don't say anything. Not yet. _Not here. Not now_.

"Jim, just one more thing. Would you ever order or even suggest that we have scallops?"

Jim scoffed. "Never!" The adamancy of his tone gives you your answer, but you remain insatiable.

"Why not?"

"Because I don't want to kill you. Remember that day in school when the cafeteria bots cross-contaminated the chicken with the salmon filets? It almost killed you. I...I could've lost you that day. Never again. Wouldn't even _dream_ of it."

You give him a smile and turn your back to him, not wanting to see his expression when you finish what it is you need to say. "I _will_ tell him, but not until you're gone. I don't want to give him that information since I don't know how he will respond. I _will_ tell him though, Jim. I _promise_."

And you mean it.

You head back to the table, clearing your throat and giving your boyfriend - _not_ Jim - a smile. "I think I've quelled him for now," you tell him and he chuckles.

"I'm glad." He looks up at you and reaches across the table for you to meet him halfway with your own hand. He doesn't squeeze your hand when your fingers come into contact. They just remain together. Anyone who didn't know that the pair of you are coupled together would probably think that you are praying over your meal or are sharing a tender sibling moment. To an outside party, it would be almost impossible at that moment to tell that the pair of you are a couple.

"Nathan," you begin, keeping your voice soft in tone so as not to unessentially startle him, "you picture a future with us, right?"

Nathan's hand instantaneously recoils back towards his own side of the table and his expression turns to one of a serious temperament. "Why do you ask?"

"I mean, we've been together for eight months now. I'd say that's pretty serious. We don't say we love each other, and I don't even have those feelings for you like I thought I could. I just...I need to know where you think this is even going to go."

"Why can't we just enjoy having fun now?"

"Dating for eight months is _not_ having fun, Nathan. I'd say we should've started getting serious a few months ago if that's where we were meant to go."

"I say let's not think about it. I'd say let's just enjoy what we have."

"Nathan, we don't _have_ _anything_ to enjoy. At least, _I_ don't."

"Why are we even talking about this?" He stops and begins to grin at someone over your shoulder. "I think this will cheer you up."

 _I don't need cheering! I need answers! I need promises of a future! I need...dammit, I need_ Jim!

" _What_ will cheer me up?" you question, and he rubs his hands together.

"I ordered for you when you didn't come back right away. I got your favorite!"

You gently smile, the corners of your mouth upturning, though you can smell a scent that tells you how very wrong he is.

You lift your napkin from the table and cover your mouth as the waiter-bot delivers two large orders of scallops to your table.


	4. Him II

Your hands are clasped behind your head, pressing sweaty palms to the back of your neck as a means of trying to come to terms with everything that had just transpired back at the restaurant. You have been successful in convincing Reiko to meet with you and discuss things that should have been said a long time ago, but now comes the hard part: figuring out when and where said conversation will take place.

You hope it will be soon, for you are unsure if your heart can take much more delay. As it races within its own cavity within your chest, the uncertainty begins to take hold of your every thought. Though she has agreed to hear you out, you remain unsure as to what she is thinking and how deep her hatred for you goes, if that is even the feeling she has towards you.

Such a distinction is one which she alone can tell you, so as you pace the floor of your dorm room, white socks gliding easily across the carpeted floor beneath your feet, your brain is awash with thoughts of her. Her smile. Her scent. Her aura. _Her_. You are breathless and wanting but you can't shake the feeling that the pair of you still have a long way to go. Bones certainly thinks so. You can feel his passing judgment even as he sits in the next room on his tablet writing essays on biological indifferences and on the importance of vitality monitoring in patient care.

You bite the bottom of your lip and ruffle your hair, the impatience and the wondering almost proving to be too much. Soon, you'd be rushing out onto campus and searching for her to continue your conversation and at last get all uncertainties out of thought.

You don't have to do that, however, when the buzzer at your door sounds. Uncertain hands grab the doorknob, a once amorphous blob which will be considered to be a conduit of transformational love reframed, for at the door, stands none other than Reiko.

She seems breathless - or, perhaps, just breathing more shallowly than you would have her breathe - or maybe you are merely imagining things. Either way, she appears to be on tenterhooks as she gazes into your eyes, wide blues finding their icier and more telling counterparts in yours.

You appear confused and give her such information by your expression - at least, you _hope_ that's the message she gets from your face.

"...hey," you manage, knowing how much you actually want to tell her, what you _need_ to tell her.

"I broke up with Nathan," she blurts, her eyes conveying a kind of sincerity you hadn't been expecting.

"After I left?" you question.

" _Because_ you left," she answers, and you know your brows rise in shock from her words. "...I mean, there are a lot of reasons to end things with him, but I didn't care about any of them, not _really_ , until you left me there." You start to say something apologetic, but she stops you. "I know you want to say something about that, thinking maybe I thought you were abandoning me or some shit, but I promise I don't think that. I just...we need to talk all of this out. Now...please."

"Yeah, we do," you say, stepping aside for her to enter into your room, she does, stepping right up to you, her eyes never leaving yours. Your eyes remain locked on hers as you reach out your arm. It passes her, and she appears to swallow hard as if she was raring for you to touch her or something. Instead, you smirk, pressing the button to close the door behind her. "You can put your coat wherever."

"Thanks," she says, letting her coat sleeves slide from her shoulders. The hint of her freckled shoulder spawns a rather large and solid lump within both your throat and your chest, but you reject its affliction and instead reinterpret it as a positive manifestation of your deep and prolific love for her. "It's actually a lot cleaner in here than I had imagined, I'll admit."

You chuckle, her words hardly a shock. "Yeah, I know a bachelor pad might invoke thoughts of disorder and disarray, but Bones and I prefer to have a clean place to come back to after a day of classes."

She grins devilishly, and your heart pummels your lungs with yearning. "'A bachelor pad,' huh?"

You shake your head at her snark, having forgotten just how genuinely sassy she was. "Well, I'm single, and Bones will probably be single _forever_ , so it will be a bachelor pad for a long time."

She bites her bottom lip and you resist every urge to dive in for a passionate kiss. "We'll see, I guess."

The open end of her statement keeps you wanting so much more, but until this conversation is officially done, you can't let on that that's what you truly want. Not yet.

"Where _is_ Leonard tonight?" she asks.

"Probably at a study group of some kind. He always has those sorts of gimicks to keep me reminding him of his single-status."

"There's nothing wrong with study groups. I'm sure he is helping out a lot of otherwise lost students - he _is_ intelligent, you know."

You nod, shoving your hands into your jeans. "Yeah, I know. I _hate_ that."

She laughs, and your heart feels like it's singing at the melodic tones of her breathy upheaval of cheer.

You move into your bedroom and take a seat on the edge of your bed. She comes into the room and remains in the doorway. You gesture to a chair in the corner.

"You're welcome to sit if you want," you tell her, and receive a shake of her head in return.

"Not yet...the thought of taking a seat in the bedroom so many girls have visited is an uncomfortable idea for me at the moment."

You frown, and long to tell her how wrong about the number she is, but you decide against it for now.

"So how did Nathan take the break-up?" you ask, hoping that was a good place to begin.

Reiko shrugs her shoulders. "It could've been worse, for sure. He took it quite well. Apparently, he and I had never had affection between us because he knew I wasn't the one for him, and he didn't want to have to tell me that because he thought maybe I _did_ think that."

"And you _don't_?"

"Hell-to-the- _fuck_ -no." You laugh, and she joins in for a moment. "Not even close." Her eyes pierce your body, and you are beholden to the wounds. "I mean, I think he and I could have worked out, maybe..." You stare at her, one eyebrow raised as if to tell her that you knew otherwise. "Okay, so it would've ended with me _killing_ him, but even so, we weren't so terrible. Well, not _everything_ was bad between us."

"Conversation and affection clearly weren't for the two of you," you chime in, and her teeth once more sink into her bottom lip. This time, however, her eyes remove their gaze from yours and aim towards the floor. A staggering realization of the subtext strikes you with a merciless blast to your ardor and you realize that sitting down for the duration of this conversation was the second-best decision you had made that day.

"We're both adults, Jim," she states plainly, though her reddened cheeks and heightened atmosphere was almost too unnerving for you to be able to safely bear, but you figure you can muddle through it. She is worth every bit of discomfort, even hearing that her now-previous sex life with her now-ex-boyfriend was probably the best thing shared between them. "Let's not pretend that sex isn't a part of _both_ of our lives."

"How do you know about my sex life?"

She rolls her eyes as if to say that your question is more ridiculous than the answer. "Come on, Jim. _Everyone_ knows about your conquests."

You have so much to explain on that front but you refrain for the moment. "I'm going to put a pin in that part. I'll come back to it later. Now, I need for you to hear what happened on that night all those years ago."

" _Not_ so long ago, the way I see it," she comments, folding her arms across her chest. You get the sense that her body language is saying more than she is, but you don't say anything regarding that.

"I know, and I need to explain myself." She nods as if to tell you to continue, so you do. "I was so excited for that night. I really was. I didn't want to be anywhere else."

"What happened then?" she questions, her expression falling.

You take a deep breath prior to continuing. "The idea of having to be perfect for that night made me so nervous. I didn't want to disappoint you, or to ruin _your_ night with my awkwardness."

"Jim," she says, " _I_ was awkward, too."

"I know, but that's one of the reasons I liked you so much." You can't believe how honest you are being, but it feels good to tell her that. "I also know that's not what _you_ liked about _me_. I'm not sure _what_ you liked, but you wanted me to be poised and precise, so I wanted to live up to what you expected of me." You pause, and notice the frown that she, too, possesses. You hate that your words have caused that to happen to her, but you knew this would happen. "I wanted to be the guy you saw me being. So, I went to a bar to grab a drink."

"I hope that doesn't imply what I'm thinking it does," she says, her frown turning into a full-on heartbroken expression which kills you even more than you thought you could be at this point.

"Not at all. I really did just need a drink to settle my nerves enough to go and pick you up."

"...I'm guessing that's where the 'but' comes in."

"Unfortunately. This girl started talking to me, and asking where I was going all dressed up like that, and I told her I had a prom to take you to, and then had to explain what a 'prom' even was. I told her about how our school had decided to hold a dance in commemoration of the ancient and long-since discarded tradition of schools hosting prom dances, and she thought it was sweet. I told her that I was there to calm my nerves, so she called a couple of her friends over. They bought me a drink to try and help me out, and then we toasted. I drank that drink...and that's the last thing I remember about that night."

Reiko's arms moved down to smooth out her dress, and she decided it was time to take a seat in the chair mentioned before. "What happened?"

You rest your elbows against your knees. "When I woke up, I was in this alleyway somewhere in the town over. I was dirty, and my cheek was quite bruised. I was missing my identification card."

Reiko's face reflects her shock at the turn of events. "Oh, my God...they took your ID?"

You nod. "I quickly reported it to the authorities and they claimed that they had been looking for a group of young people who drug strangers and swipe their identification papers to sell to illegal aliens needing valid identities." Your tongue rewets your lips, and you note that she shivers, her eyes glued to your lips. "Luckily, they found the group with my ID near the space shuttle docks in Des Moines."

Reiko's fingers play with the hem of her dress. "I...I can't believe it..."

"Please do," you say, knowing how your voice sounds like you're pleading with her. In all truth, you really _are_ pleading for her to believe you and trust that what you're saying is the gospel truth. "I can't stand the idea of you hating me."

"Jim," she coos quickly, and you snap to attention, "I _never_ hated you. I just...I thought that maybe you had ditched me for a night with someone loose, someone mature. At worst, I thought that maybe you had just decided not to show up because...well, because you never really wanted me in the first place."

You shake your head fervently. "Reiko, I've never _not_ wanted you. You...you're all I've ever wanted."

She appears uncomfortable. "You never showed up...I assumed the worst."

"Did you end up going?"

She nods, tucking the right side of her hair behind her ear. "I did, yeah. I figured I shouldn't waste the work I'd done on the dress."

"How _was_ it, given the circumstances?"

"Fucking _terrible_. I never even wanted to go in the first place, but with you, I'd have gone anywhere. I didn't want to humiliate myself further by having gotten dressed up to go nowhere, so I went alone..." She trails off, and you can see that she has more to say on that point, but she is clearly hesitant to tell you the rest. Your eyes want more, so she continues, though it visibly shakes her. "...but I didn't _leave_ alone."

 _Fucking hell, you right prick! Look what you did. You drove her into the arms of another man, a man not you. An undeserving bastard who only wanted one thing_.

Shoving your self-depricating thoughts aside, you sigh. "I suppose I should've guessed that."

She grimaces and then her expression turns to one of anger. " _That's_ it?"

"I couldn't have helped that you were with someone else that night, but it hurts to hear it."

"That's too fucking bad!" she bursts, rising from the chair and beginning to pace the room. "You don't get to tell me what it is you don't like about what happened that night. You weren't there! You were supposed to make everything right with my shitty, God-forsaken world, but you were _not there_!"

"I know, but it's not like I _intentionally_ didn't show!" you defend yourself, rising from your own spot in defeat. "It was killing me to think that I had to try and dumb down my nerves so that I could give you a steady, awkwardness-free night."

"Don't blame me for you going to that goddamn bar," she resists, moving over to where you're standing. "That was _your_ choice. I would've taken you, awkwardness and all! I was _fucking in love with you, you son of a bitch_!" Tears are welling in her eyes, and you hate that those are because of you, regardless of the positivity surrounding them or not. "I'm sorry. You're not a son of a bitch...I just...that night _destroyed_ me."

"I am so sorry..." you apologize, moving a bit closer to her and wiping away the tears as they begin to fall from her brightened eyes. "I'm so, so sorry."

"I gave myself to Paul DeLuca that night, you know."

"That prick got your virginity?"

She nods, averting your gaze. "The entire time I was with him, the only face I imagined was yours. I thought it would just be him, but it wasn't. Yuri Wendell, the boyfriend I had before Nathan, and then Nathan himself. Each man I spent nights with - each one I pictured with your face. It was the only way I could ever be with someone who wasn't actually you."

Your heart, which had barred itself off the moment she had raised her voice to you, freed your longing organ from its undeserved cage. "Shit," you breathe out, resting your forehead against hers, "I thought _I_ was the only one who did that..."

She sniffles, looking back up at you. "You picture your own face when you're with women?"

You laugh, and she does, too. "Only if my face is _your_ face."

She smiles, wrapping her arms around your neck and pressing closer to you. "Jim," she whispers, and the way she says your name like it's a question makes you want to give her all the right answers always. "I've missed you."

"Shit, I've missed you, too," you exhale, pulling her in for the most amorous embrace you have ever shared with her. The way the muscles in her arms pull tighter around you and how she is pushing herself up on the tip of her toes to be as close to you as possible just reminds you that much more of how much you need her this close to you as often as possible. You breathe in her scent, having missed the fresh and lovely perfume she wears. The way her skin smoothly adheres to yours is a sure enough sign that she is supposed to be here, encircling you in the tightest of embraces and the most emotional of ways. Your fingers press into her dress at the base of her shoulders and just below her lower back, where each of your hands grips her in the possessive way you know you shouldn't be, but are helpless to fight off.

She is so lovely, your body aches, even though your bodies are only separated by the materials of your clothes. As the embrace ends, the cohesion of your auras remains in tact as she pulls away and settles back down onto her feet properly. "I...I shouldn't stay," she comments, saying it more for her own benefit than yours.

"Right," you agree, nodding at her words and propping your arms up onto your hips. "That wouldn't be good."

"I mean, I _just_ broke up with Nathan...it's not right...right?"

"Right," you repeat, your eyes finding hers as the two of you realize you've never been ones for conventionally courtesy.

"It's _wrong_ to be with someone right after you end things with someone else."

"Right."

She steps closer to you once again. "I mean, you and I...we're _going_ to happen, but right now is just wrong."

"Right."

She bites her lip again, this time her expression eager. "Then again, we've waited years for this to happen...so I can't see why we should deny ourselves the pleasure anymore."

You caress her cheek and give her a grin. " _Right_."


	5. Her III

The feeling of his fingers brushing against your cheek is almost too much to handle, but you try to, noticeably trembling beneath the gaze of eyes you had missed so dearly and of caresses from fingers you longed to possess and command to touch you always.

You step in closer and press your body against his. Your hands slide up his torso, the material between the pair of you more like a hindrance now than a common courtesy. You love him, and you long to show him just how much.

The fingers grazing your cheek remain there while the other hand grips you by the waist and draws your face towards his. His breath is hot against your skin, but you don't mind. Hell, you've waited way too fucking long to have him like this...and vice versa.

His forehead is pressed to yours, and you give a contented sigh to let him know that you are feeling whatever it is that he is feeling. The two of you remain like that for a moment, and his hesitation turns you on beyond what you thought he could.

"Jim," you whisper, and he murmurs to let you know he heard you, "what are you waiting for?"

"So many things," he says, swiping a thumb across your cheek. "I've waited and dreamed of this for years. Now that it's here...I don't want to disappoint you, but I also...I'm _nervous_."

You can feel his heart rate surge, and yours beats in sync with his. Taking the hand on your waist and moving it up to your chest, his eyes go wide as you place his palm in between your breasts and push so that he can feel your own heartbeat. He somehow calms down at the feeling of pulsation against his skin, and you grin at him.

"Feel that?" you question. "I'm _terrified_ , Jim. You did that to me. I've never been so shaken." His forehead finds yours again and a grin crosses his lips. "Jim...I need you to slow me down."

The hand on your cheek moves at last, sliding around towards the back of your neck to press into your skin and draw you closer. "Yes, ma'am," he says through the grin as he nears your lips. You brush your lips against his, the electricity igniting feelings lain long-dormant within your very soul. He seems to be done teasing and moves in the other twenty percent, meeting your lips with a sweet kind of intensity.

The wait is over. You and Jim have finally kissed, and that kiss leads to another brief one and then another. Soon, two pairs of lips are cascading across the other's in a knowing and all-too-familiar way, which is strange because neither of you had ever kissed before this moment. It feels like the two of you have never kissed anyone else, and that in itself is strange. It is preposterous to think such a thing, especially a fabricated one, but the idea of it is somehow comforting amid the passions flurrying around the pair of you.

Jim tastes like cinnamon, a comforting kind of spice you are not used to, especially since Nathan's taste was similar to vanilla. It was natural. It was too easy. The flavor of Jim's lips reminded you of the edge of risk, of something that was almost daring, but was actually something more natural than anything else you have ever experienced. He is warm, he is familiar, and he is what you want. What you need. What you crave. What you desire. He is completion. He is simplicity. He is imperfection. He is perfect. He is now _yours_.

Your hands cup his face and draw him in so that your tongue can completely intertwine with his. The dance between mouths is intoxicating, and the heat of breaths shared exacerbated the fuel already being incrementally added to the fire. Jim breaks away for a moment, smoothing your hair away from your face and searching your features with desire-ridden eyes.

He dives in for another passionate kiss, but you break it off slowly, turning your back to him and pulling your hair until it curtains over your shoulder, baring your dress so that he can see the zipper.

Jim smirks - you cannot see him, but you can feel that he is starting to relax as he moves in and encircles his hands around your waist. His hands flat against your stomach, he nuzzles his lips against the side of your neck, toying with your zipper after planting wet kisses along your jugular.

"Mm," you murmur through closed lips, the sensational emotions boiling over and releasing a pleasured sound from your mouth. "Jim..."

He chuckles against your neck, his lips forming a moistened suction against your skin. His hands move to the back of your dress, one hand unzipping and the other pushing the material of your dress from your shoulders until it is in a pool at your feet. You then twirl around within his grasp, your lips meeting his again while your fingers slip beneath the bottom hem of his shirt.

Broad hands grip your face and neck to keep your mouths entwined in concupiscent meshes, and you lift up on his shirt, your hands sliding against the smooth flesh of his abdomen. You can feel his muscles quake wherever your fingers grace his skin, and goosebumps pepper up from within. You smile to yourself that you have this effect on him, something seemingly so small which, apparently, affects him a great deal. He quickly takes the liberty of removing his shirt the rest of the way, casting it aside while your eyes scan his body, drinking him in.

He is not as bulky or defined as his personality would have otherwise suggested, but this is how you like him. He is soft, though toned, and his muscles are right where they need to be. Jim is trim and slender, his broad shoulders leading way to a tapering waist, perfectly proportioned by the rest of him. Your teeth sink into your bottom lip, a fact which he notices.

You can hear the lump in his throat be downed by the nervous gulp he reacts with. "What is it?" he questions, nudging his nose against your forehead.

Your eyes tilt back up to meet his, welling up with the overwhelming emotions you are experiencing. "You are _perfect_ , Jim," you compliment, watching as a red kind of heat pushes up from beneath the surface of his cheeks.

He shakes his head fervently. "I'm really not. I mean, compared to Nathan, I'm nowhere near as well-defined. I'm not extremely athletic. I'm not, well, I don't work out." You can tell he is drowning in his own words, tripping over himself at how flustered he is feeling.

You stretch up onto your tiptoes, pulling his face down to yours and crushing your mouth against his to shut him up. It works. His arms wrap around your body again and draw you in as close as he possibly can. Once you have him back within your grasp both literally and figuratively, you pull back and nestle your lips against his. "Jim, I have never known anyone so beautiful."

Jim blushes madly, blinking rapidly as he kisses you again, clearly pleased with what you've said. His fingers trickle up your back and untwist the fastenings on your bra, pushing the straps from your shoulders and letting you do the rest of the work in removing it.

You do, standing back from him for a moment. The base of your neck produces red splotches, your own unique form of blushing as you completely toss away your bra and kick off your heels at last. Your eyes are locked on his face as you fight away every urge to cover your chest with your arms. But you don't. You stand there, the rise and fall of your chest quickening as you note his gaze scanning your structure. Icy blues lock onto your breasts and you feel your nipples begin to harden under the weight of his stare.

He steps back up to you, aligning his bare chest with your soft right breast, feeling your stiff nipple indent his skin where they meet. He reaches a hand up to graze his knuckles against the underside of your left breast, and you inhale sharply from the nerves' on-end response.

"You take my breath away, Rei," he remarks, stooping to place a kiss just north of your breast, right where creamy skin met your collarbone. You release a gentle moan, slipping your fingers into the top band of his pants, taking notice that he was not wearing a belt and that his pants seemed to be the perfect size for his waist.

You begin to undo the fastenings on his trousers, and that's when you both snap to attention as Leonard returns to the room.

"Oh, shit!" he outbursts, averting his gaze immediately upon finding himself standing in the doorway of a room where the two of you are half naked and you stand bare-chested. You instantaneously stand behind Jim, who faces Leonard with an irate expression on his face - though you can't see his face directly, you can feel the effect of his cock-block.

" _Really_?" Jim questions, and you peer out from underneath his arm, yours still wrapped across your chest.

"I'm _sorry_! I had to come back and get clothes for the night. I have to stay somewhere else for the night."

"You _think_?" Jim says, his voice squeaking slightly, enough to make you chuckle.

"Dammit, Jim, I _get_ it, okay?!" Leonard shouts, facing him full-on now, his eyes finding yours and shock covering his features. "Reiko...?"

"Hey, Leonard," you greet, using Jim's hand to wave for you as you keep your entire body save for your head behind the cover of your man.

"I...I had no idea it would be _you_ here!" He begins to grin, which worries you. "I'm so happy for the two of you! I can't believe this is happening _finally_!"

" _Dude_..." Jim mutters, clearly exasperated.

"Right! I'll be out of your hair shortly. I swear." He rushes from the doorway and you can hear him rustling through drawers in the next room. Jim turns to you to once again encapsulate you within his arms.

"Where _were_ we?" he asks rhetorically, his eyebrow hooking upward in the sassiest expression he can muster.

"Right about here," you whisper, lining his neck with kisses. The instant you press your lips to the base of his neck, you hear him groan from somewhere deep inside his throat, and you chuckle. "You like that right there?" He doesn't respond, though he swallows hard, so you can tell that his salivary glands have begun to overact. "So...the question _must_ be asked...what happens if I kiss you... _here_?" You move your lips over his collarbone, and that's when his entire body shudders and he inhales sharply.

"Damn," he breathes out as you feel a tightening within his trousers where you have yet to uncover.

"Bonjour, monsieur," you tease, and he grins, kissing you hard, though it is also soft at the same time. Your fingers begin to unbutton and unzip his pants, his hands cradling your face as though you were an intrinsic item not to be broken. In truth, you don't _want_ to be broken, for you are already broken. Your wish is to be _remade_ in his hands.

"Could I just - " Leonard says, popping back into the doorway of the room for a moment. You and Jim break apart. You giggle, Jim groans. " - interrupt one last time?"

"You just _did_ ," Jim points out, to which Leonard nods.

"I know, I know. Just...there's something I've got to say." Jim wraps his arms around you and pulls you flush against his chest so that Leonard can't see your breasts. Luckily, you are still clothed from the waist down. "I...I have watched Jim be in agony since the two of you saw each other again at the start of the year. He has tried and tried to get over you, Reiko, even burying himself in hoardes of other women to try and keep his mind from you, but it didn't work. Not _once_." Jim nuzzles his lips into the top of your forehead to try and console you after hearing Leonard describe Jim's former conquests and encounters as 'hoardes.' It hadn't bothered you, but you let his lips linger, your hands settling onto his hips. "Tallis and I were so concerned that the two of you would never actually do what needed to be done to be together. Now that you are, hope is here again and Jim is himself again. He's...he's not the same. He's better."

Your teeth sink into your bottom lip. "Maybe you're saying you are seeing a new side of Jim, but maybe it's just because he is shirtless and I'm actually half-naked," you comment, meeting Jim's responding chuckle.

Leonard shakes his head. "This is _not_ that. It isn't the same. _He's_ not the same. Hell, _you're_ not the same either. This is what the two of you are like together - you're _whole_ again."

"Alright," Jim says, eyeing Leonard suggestively, nodding his head toward the door. "Enough sappiness. Now it's just getting awkward."

Leonard throws his hands upward in surrender, backing towards the door. "I'm sorry. I'm leaving. I just...I needed to say that." He turns and departs the room, not even looking back over his shoulder as the door whizzes shut.

Jim's gaze falls back to yours, tucking your hair behind your ear and giving you a smile. "I hope he didn't scare you away with what he said."

You shake your head. "Not even slightly," you confess. "Truthfully, it actually made me thankful to be here with you right now...for more reasons one."

"How _many_ more than one?"

His words vibrate against your neck and you wrap your arms around his neck. "Let me get back to you on that."


	6. Him III

_I'm gonna fucking kill Bones tomorrow_.

Your mind is dwelling on the fact that your roommate walked into the shared dorm room and then interrupted your moment with Reiko not once, but twice. At least the first instance was accidental. The second, however, was completely purposeful, and that's the one you're damning him for.

But no matter on that.

Right now, all that matters is the two of you and the heated kisses you share between mouths seeming to be made for one another. It feels like you have only ever kissed her, and that part terrifies you to no end. Her fingers slipping through the tendrils of your hair, finger tips pressing into your scalp and grip clinging her body to yours, your wandering mind is once again reminded to be down on earth, down here where the air is hot and heavy, and the passion is tender and long-awaited.

Here stands the woman of your dreams, the waking nightmare you once feared in never getting to be with her like this, like the two of you were always meant to have been. Now it's all the pair of you can do to make up for lost time, and yet, it simultaneously feels as though you had never parted, and certainly not for a decent chunk of years.

Your hands make slick work in undoing and pushing her mini skirt from her body, freeing her from the outer shell of bottoms only designed to keep decency between unfamiliar bodies. Here, though, was different. Here, you were together in the most intimate of ways, and here was where you wish you could always be.

"Hang on," she says suddenly, pulling back from you and moving over to the computer system. She begins to instruct the technology to play a specific song.

"...really?" you question, left standing with a half-erect member pitching a tent in the trousers only half-undone.

She chuckles and then turns back to you, the faint reverberations of the music beginning to rise within the speakers in the room. "I have loved this song for some time...I figured it was appropriate for us," she says, sliding back over to your area of the room and pulling your face down to meet hers in a tender kiss once again.

"For us?" you ask as you allow your lips to trail down the sides of her neck.

"Yes," she exhales, gripping your skin with a fiery fervency. Your mouth stretches into a smile as you kiss her throat, your hand pushing up against her jaw, thumb pressing underneath her chin to stretch her face away from your lips and pull the skin taut. She moans, and you are now lost in her. "Listen..."

The other hand, free to move, starts to slip your trousers from your hips. She is eager to help, breaking out from your tight grasp and gripping your hem tightly in her fingers. You feel her readied nature changing, her aura wanting you, and wanting your naked body to be with hers at last. You are more than happy to oblige, pulling away from her to pull her thong from her thighs. She is quick to stop you.

"You first, Cadet Kirk," she murmurs, a straight-laced expression on her loving features. You swallow the irrevocable lump that has abruptly developed deep within your throat, and nod to show your approval.

Slender, soft fingers wrap around the top hem of your boxer briefs and you inhale sharply, a sure signal of your embarrassment of the inevitable next step in this night. Your eyes remain locked in hers as the lyrics begin to reverberate in the moment.

 _She'll come to me in a dream...and I don't even know her name..._

She tugs your underwear downward and you allow them to completely fall to the floor, stepping out of them and not even bothering to look down at your now-completely nude self.

 _A pretty mark upon her breast...to signify her from the rest..._

Carefully, her gaze flickers down and, if it was possible, her already wide blues steel up and dilate even more at the sight of the only body part you didn't have full control of. A deep red forms under the entire body of skin bared before the woman you love. She can tell you're nervous, and she pulls you closer to her smiling face.

"So, we're gonna stay in the middle of the floor all night?" she questions, and you know she is beckoning for you to carry to the bed behind the pair of you.

 _But her and I are just the same...building bridges out of faith..._

You respond in-kind, grinning wildly as your hands lift her up from behind her thighs, pulling her up and wrapping her legs around your waist. She laughs and your heart stops momentarily to absorb the perfect sound of her. You pull her closer still, walking the pair of you over to the bed and smoothly laying her down on her back and propping yourself up and over her.

"Just one more thing..." she whispers coyly, and your cheeks blush a deeper red at the knowledge that only her panties remain between her body and yours. She begins to do the work herself when you surge back to life, your hands pushing her arms above her head and giving her lips a quick kiss.

 _She stands upon a dinner plate...and tells me that I'll have to wait..._

"Let _me_ ," you coo, and she murmurs her approval, her eyes never leaving your face, though yours begin to scan her body. Your hands stroke her body as you slide downwards, wanting to meet her waist with your own eyes' leveled gaze. Your heart pounds faster than is probably normal for health-related reasons, but she is the lifeforce you've been craving and could _never_ be a detriment to your health. The only negative aspect that her existence has ever had on your health as been the absence of her in your life.

 _Wait for me...I know it won't be easy..._

You see the goosebumps trickling up underneath her flesh, peppering her body with a visual sign of the nerves she was feeling. Your mouth leaves tender kisses down her sternum and navel, the peachy feeling of her abdomen leaving you breathless and nearing your destination.

 _What a thing...to believe...in a dream..._

Now eye-level with her loins, your gaze meets hers and you watch as her eyelids flutter and her teeth sink into her bottom lip. Your fingers gingerly brush the tender skin stretched over her hip bones and take a hold of her panties at the sides, pulling them downward and around her ankles, letting the material drop to the floor. Your eyes travel down the length of her body and towards the final area uncovered at that moment.

You see a few stretch marks just below her bellybutton, a sign of weight loss. Below that is a small pooch, an area of soft skin leaving a minor valley between her torso and the meeting of her pelvic region. A strip of dark, raven-colored hair streaks from the beginning of her groin to the tip of her labia, and your heart drops at the sight of the pink and light-tan folds encompassing the organ literally made to fit the one you yourself possessed.

"...say something," she pleads, the break in her voice enough to make you want more of everything she is offering you.

 _Perhaps I knew her long ago...I wrote her poems at nine years old..._

"You know, I actually _did_ write you poems when we were nine," you confess, and she is intrigued, bending her elbows up so that she can get a better look at you kneeling between her legs.

"Really?"

 _But then I did become a man...the letter slipped right through my hands..._

You nod, grinning fondly. "Yeah, I did. They were really terrible and _definitely_ poorly written."

She giggles, and you can see the tension release from her nature. "I would love to read them some time, if you have any of them left."

 _Practiced all my wit and charm...had many girls on every arm..._

You frown upon hearing those lyrics, and she takes notice. "What is it?"

You had, in truth, practiced your wit and charms on the many girls you'd had over the years. All of them were in the attempt to push her from your thoughts, but to no avail. None of them were her, and now that you are here and seeing her in this way and vice versa, the feeling you are most pressed with are ones of guilt over the years spent vainly searching for any other kinds of feelings which could even come close to the ones you had for Reiko.

 _I learned the depths of love and hate...but never did learn how to wait..._

"Jim," she says, her voice recognizing the knowing expression you had expressed undoubtedly, "stop worrying about all of that. It's over."

"Not to me," you say, gaze rising to meet the sympathy of her stare. "I spent so much time trying to get over you, trying to move on, or even replicate what we had all those years ago."

She frowns. "And...?"

"And..." You crawl upward a bit more to be closer to her. "... _nothing_ I found, and _no one_ I shared my bed with could ever be you." She begins to smile, her brow slanting. "You were and are _everything_ to me, and now, here, like _this..._ " She chuckles and you can see the glistening resolution of her eyes soften into tears filling her with quiet remembrance. "...I can't ever go another day without you." You pause, swiping a thumb underneath her eye as a tear slips free. "You are so incredibly beautiful. I never knew beauty until you, and now, nothing can ever even _dream_ of coming close. I..." You pause, getting your bearing as you, too, feel the oncoming of tears. "I _love_ you."

She blinks away a few more tears, her hands cupping your face tenderly. "I love _you_ ," she says, and your heart is finally complete.

Smiles are shared for a moment before you move in for a slow and tender kiss, gently guiding her onto her back once more so that a complete consummation of everything the pair of you are meant to be can finally, quite literally, come together.


End file.
